Keepin' the faith

... has never been so hard!

God, are you listening?! Do you see him suffering? The boy that I adore.... in more pain then I could ever imagine....
Hello? ARE YOU LISTENING!!!!

I am trying so hard to beleive this is His will... but HOW could you possibly let a child be in so much pain, for what could be nothing.

We walked down the hosiptal halls and it felt too familiar!
I broke down in tears.... that hospital days with that boy haunt me, even more then ever now!

We talked about Oscar's diet and then I needed to change him. We asked the doctor to look at his bottom while we did it.
Within' 2 miniutes we had SIX doctors in the room trying to figrue out what it is...how we can help and the finally they gave us an answer...well close enough to it anyway.
"If it hasn't healed by now....we are not sure how long it will take"

Those words terrify me... anger me.... make me cry.... think of any emotion.... that is how I felt when I heard these words.

We have a appointment with the surgen as soon we can.
We have 2 options...

1) Tough it out... hope the pain stops soon, hope to find a working cream, just continue what we are doing so he can poo normally when he is older. :(

2) Place the colostomy bag back on... Meaning all the pain from the last 2 years has been POINTLESS! Meaning once it is on, it is not coming off! Meaning instead of just one surgery, we have put him through seven. :(

I have no idea which is the better option.
Oh God... you are there! Right?
Tell me what you want us to do!
PLEASE!
We can not continue seeing him like this.... it is killing me!

I can not stop crying...
Being angry...
Trying to make everything into a joke....
Being selfish...
DYING inside!

How long do you expect us to keep it together?



Because we are FAILING!
And I know we are failing you...
But oh Lord, we just adore that little boy you gave us! All we want is to see him happy and pain free....

We are trusting you...

Keepin' the faith...

As best we can.