My beautiful baby cousin, Oscar was born on the 16th of may 2008, this is what I wrote the night I came back from the hospital were I first saw him laying on a bed covered in tubes and needles and machines that were keeping him alive. (I was 13 at the time)
I remember finding out that in 9 months there would be a new member of the family. I was so exited, I have always loved babies, not one negative thought came to my mind when I found out my uncle Paul and Carolyn were going to have a new baby soon enough.
A few months had passed and it was time to find out the sex of the baby. Paul and Carolyn had a deal that if it was a girl Carrie would name it and if it were a boy Paul would name it, and it was a perfect little boy.
When they came down for a visit and to tell us the good news they bought the DVD that had the ultra sound video on it. They told me to try and guess what it was; I of course had no idea. I watched the DVD with absolute amazement! This little baby in my auntie’s tummy, it was sucking its thumb and doing allsorts of weird stuff and then it started playing around near its bottom, this is when they told me my little cousin was defiantly a boy! Next they told me that his name was Oscar. Oscar… Honestly? For months we thought they were joking but no, my baby cousin’s name is defiantly going to be Oscar! After a while I got used to it.
On the 16th of May, 3 days after my birthday, I reseved a late birthday present, a phone call at 6 in the morning with the news of a new baby boy. I was so exited, Carrie told me she would send a photo of him to my phone, it arrived when I was at school. For some reason I couldn’t open it, I spent half of the day trying to but it just wouldn’t. That afternoon my mum had printed off some pictures of him. Oscar was absolutely perfect. I went straight over to Kaitlin’s house to show her my new baby cousin!
I begged mum to take me up after netball the next day, as we were on our way I received a phone call. It was Uncle Paul. He told me “meet us at Maitland Hospital as soon as you can”. Thinking it was nothing serious we went to the hospital to see little Oscar. As my mother talked to the receptionist I waited anxiously to see that little boy. As soon as I heard the words “Emergency room” my heart dropped, what was he doing in there? What was going on? Why won’t they let me in to see him? After 10 minutes we were aloud in to see him, but only 2 of us. I waited in the waiting room. After a half an hour I really started stressing, I started to sweet, I could feel my heart beating through my chest, the butterflies in my tummy were driving me mad. It felt like I had been sitting there for a million hours. As the seconds ticked by slowly I waited for some news. It wasn’t till an hour later that my grandmother came running out crying. What was going on? That was it, I wasn’t going to sit there not knowing what was going on. I asked the nurse to take me in to see him. Walking up the hall way I could hear crying, I could hear my heart beating so quickly and so loudly. Passed the first room, and the second, around the corner and open the door. When I walked into the room I saw my aunty sitting there crying, I looked across the room. There was a tiny little baby attached to all these machines. I remember thinking that can’t be him, It cant possibly be! I couldn’t hold the tears back; I still didn’t know what was going on but to just see him like that was enough. I went over to that little baby and held his tiny little hands. When I could finally bring myself to talking the first thing I said was I love you, I promised him it would all be ok. I looked over to Carrie; it was time for me to ask the question I wish never existed. What is going on? She looked at me and started crying. From that and the look of Oscar I knew it was extremely serious! The nurse approached me, still holding Oscars hand she told me the news. “Oscar has not got a bottom whole, see how his tummy is swollen, he can’t get his poo out” I thought what the hell? I have never heard of that before. Then she told me he had heart problems and possibly Down syndrome. I couldn’t speak, only cry. I told myself it was going to be ok and pulled myself together. I kissed Oscar and went to talk to Carrie and mum. When they would say anything about Oscar being maybe being downs I told them I didn’t matter. I had a rough idea of what Down syndrome was but I didn’t care, I knew I would love him no matter what and I just wanted him to be healthy. I went back over to Oscar. I could feel sweat dripping off me, tears streaming down my face. I held his hand and did not let go. My little Oscar lay there, looking so unconfutable and I could tell he was in so much pain and I didn’t know how to react. When you are told you are going to see a new baby and then find him like this, how are you meant to feel? When you see your whole world for the first time and they are the size of half your arm and covered in needles and machines that are keeping them alive. When you see someone and you don’t know if they are going to make it out of this or not, how are you meant to feel? I didn’t. I was almost completely numb. The pain in my chest was the only thing reminding me that this was actually real. A few moments later, which seemed like forever, my uncle approached me and told me I was on my first baby sitting duty. Oscar was being flown to Westmead children’s hospital where he would be hopefully fixed and I had to look after him until they got back with all their clothes, then Oscar would go in the helicopter. I stayed, holding his hand still. A doctor came in and suggested I go and talk to someone. What was wrong with this guy? I am holding my baby cousins hand while he is almost dead and you honestly think I want to talk to someone? You want me to leave him by himself when he is like this? I replied “no thankyou” trying so hard to be polite when really I was dying inside, ready to rip his face off! I knew I should blame someone but I couldn’t help but thinking they did this to my poor little angel. They sent him home with so many things wrong with him and no look how he is doing! My new baby cousin, close to death right in front of my eyes. I sat there for at least and hour all alone with this little baby boy, fearing that any second one of the machines would stop working and Oscar would no longer be with us. In that hour my emotions were all over the place, the tears didn’t stop. Every few minutes I would tell Oscar that it was all going to be ok. I wasn’t sure whether I was lying to him or not. Was he going to make it out of this? Was it all going to be ok? When someone is sick people always say think positive but really how can you? How can you not think of the negatives when a tiny little baby is lying beside you with only tubes and needles keeping them alive? I don’t think it is possible. Everyone walk back into the room and surly at the first sight of Oscar the tears started streaming down everyone’s face. Child flight had arrived ready to take my boy away. Saying good bye to him has to be the hardest thing that I have ever done. I would not see him for another 2 hours, and looking at Oscar you couldn’t tell wether he would be here in 2 hours. This could be the very last good bye I ever say to him, but I assured him he was going to be ok. I promised him that if he kept fighting I would always be there; he just needed to stay with us. We walked outside, Oscar in one of those crib things ready to go into the chopper. I gave him one more kiss and told him I loved him. The fear of losing him sent the pain from my heart to every single part of my body; I was so terrified of what could happen. I sat in the car. I did not speak the whole way home, I couldn’t. After what I had just seen how could I possibly. I walked inside completely numb. I didn’t no how Oscar was doing and no one was answering there phones to tell me. I simply sat in my room and cried. I could hear Oscar’s cries in my head and kept telling myself he was going to be fine. But I didn’t believe it, I didn’t think he was going to make it through and I wasn’t even there to hold his hand. I felt terrible. What type of person does that make me to not be there for him? It was a night filled with shock, sadness and regret. I woke up to the ringing of my phone, it was mum. She told me Oscar had surgery last night and he was doing well. She was coming home to pick me up and take me to see him... was I going to see him like he was last time?
A few months had passed and it was time to find out the sex of the baby. Paul and Carolyn had a deal that if it was a girl Carrie would name it and if it were a boy Paul would name it, and it was a perfect little boy.
When they came down for a visit and to tell us the good news they bought the DVD that had the ultra sound video on it. They told me to try and guess what it was; I of course had no idea. I watched the DVD with absolute amazement! This little baby in my auntie’s tummy, it was sucking its thumb and doing allsorts of weird stuff and then it started playing around near its bottom, this is when they told me my little cousin was defiantly a boy! Next they told me that his name was Oscar. Oscar… Honestly? For months we thought they were joking but no, my baby cousin’s name is defiantly going to be Oscar! After a while I got used to it.
On the 16th of May, 3 days after my birthday, I reseved a late birthday present, a phone call at 6 in the morning with the news of a new baby boy. I was so exited, Carrie told me she would send a photo of him to my phone, it arrived when I was at school. For some reason I couldn’t open it, I spent half of the day trying to but it just wouldn’t. That afternoon my mum had printed off some pictures of him. Oscar was absolutely perfect. I went straight over to Kaitlin’s house to show her my new baby cousin!
I begged mum to take me up after netball the next day, as we were on our way I received a phone call. It was Uncle Paul. He told me “meet us at Maitland Hospital as soon as you can”. Thinking it was nothing serious we went to the hospital to see little Oscar. As my mother talked to the receptionist I waited anxiously to see that little boy. As soon as I heard the words “Emergency room” my heart dropped, what was he doing in there? What was going on? Why won’t they let me in to see him? After 10 minutes we were aloud in to see him, but only 2 of us. I waited in the waiting room. After a half an hour I really started stressing, I started to sweet, I could feel my heart beating through my chest, the butterflies in my tummy were driving me mad. It felt like I had been sitting there for a million hours. As the seconds ticked by slowly I waited for some news. It wasn’t till an hour later that my grandmother came running out crying. What was going on? That was it, I wasn’t going to sit there not knowing what was going on. I asked the nurse to take me in to see him. Walking up the hall way I could hear crying, I could hear my heart beating so quickly and so loudly. Passed the first room, and the second, around the corner and open the door. When I walked into the room I saw my aunty sitting there crying, I looked across the room. There was a tiny little baby attached to all these machines. I remember thinking that can’t be him, It cant possibly be! I couldn’t hold the tears back; I still didn’t know what was going on but to just see him like that was enough. I went over to that little baby and held his tiny little hands. When I could finally bring myself to talking the first thing I said was I love you, I promised him it would all be ok. I looked over to Carrie; it was time for me to ask the question I wish never existed. What is going on? She looked at me and started crying. From that and the look of Oscar I knew it was extremely serious! The nurse approached me, still holding Oscars hand she told me the news. “Oscar has not got a bottom whole, see how his tummy is swollen, he can’t get his poo out” I thought what the hell? I have never heard of that before. Then she told me he had heart problems and possibly Down syndrome. I couldn’t speak, only cry. I told myself it was going to be ok and pulled myself together. I kissed Oscar and went to talk to Carrie and mum. When they would say anything about Oscar being maybe being downs I told them I didn’t matter. I had a rough idea of what Down syndrome was but I didn’t care, I knew I would love him no matter what and I just wanted him to be healthy. I went back over to Oscar. I could feel sweat dripping off me, tears streaming down my face. I held his hand and did not let go. My little Oscar lay there, looking so unconfutable and I could tell he was in so much pain and I didn’t know how to react. When you are told you are going to see a new baby and then find him like this, how are you meant to feel? When you see your whole world for the first time and they are the size of half your arm and covered in needles and machines that are keeping them alive. When you see someone and you don’t know if they are going to make it out of this or not, how are you meant to feel? I didn’t. I was almost completely numb. The pain in my chest was the only thing reminding me that this was actually real. A few moments later, which seemed like forever, my uncle approached me and told me I was on my first baby sitting duty. Oscar was being flown to Westmead children’s hospital where he would be hopefully fixed and I had to look after him until they got back with all their clothes, then Oscar would go in the helicopter. I stayed, holding his hand still. A doctor came in and suggested I go and talk to someone. What was wrong with this guy? I am holding my baby cousins hand while he is almost dead and you honestly think I want to talk to someone? You want me to leave him by himself when he is like this? I replied “no thankyou” trying so hard to be polite when really I was dying inside, ready to rip his face off! I knew I should blame someone but I couldn’t help but thinking they did this to my poor little angel. They sent him home with so many things wrong with him and no look how he is doing! My new baby cousin, close to death right in front of my eyes. I sat there for at least and hour all alone with this little baby boy, fearing that any second one of the machines would stop working and Oscar would no longer be with us. In that hour my emotions were all over the place, the tears didn’t stop. Every few minutes I would tell Oscar that it was all going to be ok. I wasn’t sure whether I was lying to him or not. Was he going to make it out of this? Was it all going to be ok? When someone is sick people always say think positive but really how can you? How can you not think of the negatives when a tiny little baby is lying beside you with only tubes and needles keeping them alive? I don’t think it is possible. Everyone walk back into the room and surly at the first sight of Oscar the tears started streaming down everyone’s face. Child flight had arrived ready to take my boy away. Saying good bye to him has to be the hardest thing that I have ever done. I would not see him for another 2 hours, and looking at Oscar you couldn’t tell wether he would be here in 2 hours. This could be the very last good bye I ever say to him, but I assured him he was going to be ok. I promised him that if he kept fighting I would always be there; he just needed to stay with us. We walked outside, Oscar in one of those crib things ready to go into the chopper. I gave him one more kiss and told him I loved him. The fear of losing him sent the pain from my heart to every single part of my body; I was so terrified of what could happen. I sat in the car. I did not speak the whole way home, I couldn’t. After what I had just seen how could I possibly. I walked inside completely numb. I didn’t no how Oscar was doing and no one was answering there phones to tell me. I simply sat in my room and cried. I could hear Oscar’s cries in my head and kept telling myself he was going to be fine. But I didn’t believe it, I didn’t think he was going to make it through and I wasn’t even there to hold his hand. I felt terrible. What type of person does that make me to not be there for him? It was a night filled with shock, sadness and regret. I woke up to the ringing of my phone, it was mum. She told me Oscar had surgery last night and he was doing well. She was coming home to pick me up and take me to see him... was I going to see him like he was last time?
Will post some more soon, but right now i think its time to get ready for bed? Xx
Oscar is the most luckiest little guy to have such a caring, loving, and compassionate cousin as you. I am happy you shared your story of his birth. cant wait to read all the other blogs!
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