Finding words...

I can not find the right words to tell you this.

I can not tell you how much it hurts me to tell you this.

With every person I tell, it becomes more real.

I want to wake up from this dream.....

The only thing reminding me this is real is the pain in my chest.

My body is aching.

My heart is in pieces.

I do not want to do this.

I have never felt this empty,

and lost

and broken.

Max's parents went and got him...

Not Debbie and Paul... his biological parents.

Meaning, we can not adopt him!

I have never heard so much devastation in a voice as I did when I rang mom.

When she told me we couldn't get him.

And what makes me angry is that I can't even hold her and tell her its ok!

A year of trying to bring him home... and we were so close! :'(

I am happy he has a family to love him right now, but I was so sure God intended it to be us.

It is like losing a child

.... a brother.

MY baby brother!

I am numb at times.

It seem so unreal,

But then it sets in.

I am never going to hold him,

or love him.

Its not fair.

Its not fair I can't hold Debbie.

Its not fair I'm not there.

Its not fair they took him away from us.

But, we are trusting in God as much as we can.

I am NOT judging his parents,

and I am praying they love him as much as we do.

We are grieving. We just lost our baby boy.

Please pray for Max...

that he is being loved and adored,

like he deserves.

Pray for our family...

we are so lost,

so empty.

Thank you all for your love and support,

it means so much to us.